The Woods.

I grabbed my backpack and headed out. I felt trapped in my own room, weird huh, you would think your room would be the only place you would feel comfortable and safe. My mind lately has been extremely active whether is overthinking or simply replaying memories I honestly don’t want to remember over and over. I needed to get out as soon as possible so I grabbed my headphones and started walking with no destination whatsoever. I walked over 3 miles looking for a place I could be myself and that’s when I found this trail. I decided to follow it all the way through. I walked for about 45 minutes and then decided to stop because my feet were killing me. I found myself surrounded by trees, no one around, not a sound.

For a few minutes I sat there quietly admiring the beauty and that’s when it hit me again.

*For those that don’t know most depressive people are “overthinkers” even about the simplest of things which also means we our mind makes escalate everything.

I started to feel anxious again. I started breathing faster and faster. My heart felt like it was gonna come out of my chest. Tears started coming out, I asked myself why was I feeling like this again, I just wanted it to stop. I closed my eyes and let my mind go.

So many things from my past came back to haunt me…

Heartbreaks…

Disappointments…

Humiliations…

Grudges…

Fears…

I needed to let all this go for real this time. I needed to stop lying to myself and just hiding them under a rug hoping that they will never come out again. I’m tired of dragging all this shit with me. I feel exhausted both physically and mentally. I thought about how far I’ve come, about how much I have grown these past years, about all the new experiences I have lived, and about the life I have now. I have a good life, I have a job I love. I’m surrounded by people who love and support me. I work with a group of amazing people that are quickly becoming a second family to me.

So why do I keep letting my past overshadow my present?

I opened my eyes.

I felt calmer, even my breathing slowed down.

Acceptance was the first step.

There I laid in the center of all those trees. Just me and my thoughts and for the first time in weeks I felt peaceful.

 

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